out out out throw it out

January 26, 2011

these latest weeks have been quite something different of anything i had planned or desired.
the two of you that reads this (heh, there’s actually way more people than that reading this mighty block, ehhm, blog) where was i? oh yeah.. you’ve probably noticed that i haven’t been writing here that often, but that doesn’t mean i haven’t been writing.
it has been a time of tragedy and beauty, pain and laugh, sorrow and joy, hate and love, giving and receiving. but the most important thing for me is that i was able to spend time with Josetxu in a way i would have never thought. we laugh together, he got mad at me, hang his arm around my shoulder, hold my hand tight, we cracked in laugh remembering facts and dialogs from one of his favorite movies, ‘The Big Lebowski’. we remembered the stupid lyrics from the band we started together ‘Los Güitos’ (along with my brother Iñaki and our good friend Pedro), like ‘i want to have a tea, i want to have a tea, with my friend Barnabeee..’ and such.
and i am so glad and grateful for those moments and all the little and simple things we shared in his last days on earth.
beauty when a family pull together with love, and i’m so proud of mine for this. they showed and reminded me the simple things that matters, and i hope i will never forget. i have tasted my own tears so many times these days that i feel like if some of my own shit has been washed away, hopefully.

Josetxu, boy! you’ve marked our lives in a way you didn’t even know. it was so beautiful to hear your friends talking about you, telling stories about your trips and your ‘way’ : ) they love you so much and they’ll be celebrating your birthday this year as planned.
to all the people that helped, sent good wishes, kisses or even thought of us trough this difficult time, thank you.
see you later ‘pimo lary’
we love you and we will miss you

the room next door

January 10, 2011

a couple of days ago i was at the hospital
someone i love is not doing so well
right on the next room from him
i saw a family in pain
i saw them holding their breath
and finally breaking down in tears
i saw them crying and hugging
i saw them leaving
then i saw the nurses
coming to the room to get the body
of that father, husband, brother,
cousin, son, friend..
after they cleaned the room
i couldn’t resist to step inside
and i stayed there for a while
it was so empty
i don’t think i’ve ever been to such empty place
there was only one feeling
emptiness

new year’s day

January 1, 2011

new year’s day
where is the feeling of something new starting?
where’s the feeling of hope?
where’s the feeling of good things to come?
oh new year’s day,
weren’t you supposed to happen in october?
floating in this uncertain wind, drifting unsure
leading a caravan of loss
struggling to fit
denying my king
oh new year’s day
let me be a child again
let me be innocent all over
just once more
knowing is knowing too much
love is a love too far
feeling is a feel too dry
can I just go blind?
freeze me in time
let me be
in peace
oh new year’s day
please

 

 

 

Merry Christmas

December 23, 2010

retreat

December 21, 2010


on a fierce battle you’ve been, my love
a battle that has left many dead
and from which many have never returned
the smoke from your camps darkens the skies
the horses and banners covered in flesh and blood
the faded light from your tent looks pale, thin, sad..

on a fierce battle I’ve been, my love
I’ve used elaborated strategies aloud
sent diplomatic letters to your quarters
still today hold the same ground
my soldiers are tired, but sworn they’ll never surrender
my advisors dumbfounded, but we all pray together

on a fierce battlefield we’ve been, my love
on a war that knows no enemy
nor it contemplates defeat
victory means everyone wins
the rivers of blood of our dearest soldiers
they didn’t shed it for you or me, only to us!

the war is not over my love
this is only a retreat
count the losses, heal the wounds
feed the hungry, change our uniforms

and perhaps
with the complicity of the next new moon
or the next, or the next
I will surround your army
and without any blood
without breaking any bone
without any resistance at all
because you just want to
you will surrender to mine
my love

 


complete

December 20, 2010

should i say i feel so strong
or pretend i have no worries
you’re not an easy choice
but would you like to be
the only one?

i’ve been following your trace
since the day that i was born
i’m screaming leave me alone
but i’m crying please,
don’t let me fall

how could I be good for you..
good for you..

take this glass heart with your hands
destroy the temple where I try to hide
take this tired man in your arms
and transform me in something good

how could I be good for you..
good for you..

lift my days light up my nights
give me strength enough to fight
or lay down right beside me
yes love, right here beside me

how could i be good for you..
good for you..

take this glass heart with your hands
destroy the temple where I try to hide
take this tired man in your arms
and transform me in someone new

i’d give you
my wishes and my truth
because there’s only one truth
i will only be complete
with you

 


hail!

December 16, 2010

hail to the boy who thought he was gonna change the world

hail to the rebel who in all his cowardliness fought his father to death

hail to the man who only after failing, miserably, can start his walk

hail to the child who came to this world but not as a girl

hail to the thief who stole from his mum, from the poor.. oh yes he did

hail to the teenager who thought he knew it all

hail to the liar who try to convince himself he’s always telling the truth

hail to the tired man who can think in death as a nice resting hotel

hail to the artist who still needs to be proved

hail to the father who still hasn’t been

hail to the husband who still hasn’t been

hail to this day for it’s only now… and then

 

 

 

freedom

December 9, 2010

when all the lights have been turned off

and the only sound you can hear is your own heart beating

when the smiles are washed out and faded

and the only memory brings you back sorrow

you know it’s time to leave your cell

time to open the unlocked doors

time to pass through the tall iron gates

although the world outside

may look daunting and giant

the only chance we have

is to claim back our freedom

freedom to fail

freedom to be ugly

freedom to disappoint

freedom to be wrong

freedom to be freaks

freedom to tell the world

we are not alone

 

 

 

in a dream i shall fall

December 5, 2010

in a dream i shall fall
my consciousness becoming battered
by raging love that she brings
starving
out of her room by the sea
of monsters and dark beasts

craving for her hips
but drifting to the thunderstorm
like a song cast away
her monsters
are smoking by my bed
crying in despair

i no longer fear myself, she says
i no longer time my death, she goes
i no longer fear this place, because

i’m not the one who lives inside
my dreams
i’m not the one imagining
things
i’m not the one inside
the labyrinth
confusing
the moon with the sun

staring silently at herself
in front of a black giant mirror
make-up all over the place
and this terrified expression
on her face
the storm screams again

i no longer fear myself, she says
i no longer time my death, she goes
i no longer fear this place, because

i’m not the one who lives inside
my dreams
i’m not the one imagining
things
i’m not the one inside
the labyrinth

i no longer fear myself!
i no longer time my death!
i no longer fear this place!

i’m not the one who lives inside
my dreams
i’m not the one imagining
things
i’m not the one inside
the labyrinth
confusing
the moon and the sun

in a dream i shall fall
my consciousness becoming battered
by raging love that I bring
starving
out my bedroom by the sea
of monsters and dark beasts