dust

wash away 

the now dusty lilies sleeping under my tired bed 

leave before I wake up, duck and walk backwards 

and bring with you the pointy finger 

through this catholic corridor 

filled with images of suffering and grief 

please don’t look at me like that 

I can’t fall asleep 

but I’m no longer awake 

lip-synced

(i’d like to show you this with its music, but we don’t have a good recording of it yet)

now your heart is closed
while mine is still wide open
i’m still trying to make sense

you hide all your feelings
down there in a dark room
i don’t know where i’m going

you burn your clothes
shoot your old horse
trying to fit on a second skin
and wish your game
could wash away the pain

if you could, yes you would

will you go on
will you go on
go on like this

there goes my confidence
against your best defense
i’m still trying to make sense 

that monday morning feeling
’cause your words have no meaning
i don’t know where i’m going, going

you burn your clothes
shoot your old horse
trying to fit on a second skin
and wish your game
could wash away the pain

well, i was wrong and i was foolish
’cause everything you said was lip-synced
i was wrong i was foolish
trying to hold both you and me
you and me

will you go on
will you go on
go on like this

and another thing i’ve been wondering lately

if it wasn’t love, what was it? 
how can we deny love? 
how can it shine inside 
and not let it come out
to illuminate us on the outside? 

what sort of thought 
rational or not 
can silence love?
drown it in plans and schemes
in nights out in this city
with no heart and no beliefs 

do we build 
only to destroy? 

silence is a knife 
right through my ribs 
all the way to the hurt 

silence is division, distance and despair 
it leave us hanging 
from the rope of our own dirty thoughts 
wandering after that answer, 
the one we never get 

there’s no silence in love 

          there’s no love in silence 

porque te quiero

i would lend you my legs 
i’d carry them and feel 
what you feel every day 
and you’d have some rest 
wake up fresh 
with no worries ahead 

and i’d lend you my back 
that can carry so much weight 
strong and committed 
and i’d take yours 
and feel what you feel every day 
and understand what nobody can 
that loneliness brought by the pain 
i’d call you on the phone 
just to hear how happy you are
how fresh 

i’d lend you my fingers 
and i’d lend you my hands 
they are calm and firm 
caring and safe 
you’d feel them 
and the feel of all things through them 
and you’d rest without worries 
again, safe 
and i’d feel your hands 
the numbness and all 
the shaking of what is uncertain 
but hands that i’d be so proud of having 
for they are calm and safe 
a bit numb but full of love 
and still so brave 

i’d lend you my brain 
even if it’s a bit damaged : ) 
but free of strains 
free of the knots and scars 
that slows down your breath 

and you’d dance through the day 
without worries 
sing with the strength of an animal 
released into the wild again 
and you’d stretch every part of your body 
feeling every particle of air 
landing on your skin 
on any part of it 
a singing bird sending waves 
through your back, your legs, your hands 
and i’d keep holding my breath for you 
and feeling through you 
singing through you 
i’d carry it if only for a little while 
what nobody wants 
invisible but so harsh 

and i’d be proud 
very very proud 
porque te quiero 

to Anette 

saturday morning

saturday morning, 
the smell of Cola-Cao and cartoons 
rejoicing in freedom 
because today i’m not school 
i’ve been a prisoner the whole week 
and tomorrow i’ll be sad again 
the prelude of five grainy days to come. 
today it’s sunny, whether it is or not 
it doesn’t matter 
it’s saturday morning 
it’s happiness, it’s joy, it’s cartoons, 
it’s Cola-Cao, it’s my first computer with rubber keys, 
it’s peace, it’s noisy and quiet at my desire, 
it’s as complicated as a pacifier 
and I laugh out loud.. 

oh no, wait, my father is back 

always yours to keep

 

will our rivers ever reach the sea?
when all our eyes manage to capture,
is a short glimpse of this fragile stream,
and its waters are not even mine,
they are always yours to keep
❤

 

love is not what you think, only what you do

 

not too long ago, not long at all
I used to live in a house
sun shining through the windows
the gentle summer breeze
making my white translucent curtains dance
in a butterfly like motion.
from my always open door
I could see curvy hills
covered in green grass
there was a tree, an old solid tree
a tree of wisdom and peace
music was always on
and the smell of hot chocolate in the morning

but
i went out the house
looking for love
and i got lost
ended up on the top
of a giant rocky mountain
where there’s a constant storm
alone, all in silence
it’s like the mountain despise me
what have i done to the mountain?
i don’t know, just being here i guess
freezing cold
i can’t feel my hands, my feet
i can’t see one meter in front of me
my face is also frozen
if i try to smile it’ll break
there’s no rescue coming
there’s no one around
and it’s dark, pitch black night
and this silence

it’s very tempting to just lay down here
i’m tired
they say that intense cold will put you asleep
and you’ll never wake up
the sweet death they call it

but i’m going down
it’s the only way out, down
how ironic
and i know i will fall
i know i’ll get even more lost on my way
i’ll probably break some bones
and perhaps loose a toe or two
it’s also a long way
i have no idea how long it will take
i just have to manage to put
one foot in front of the other
and walk
make my own way

and when i find my house again
i will clean it up
make things in order
i will play music very loud
louder than my thoughts
and i’ll let the door open
so i can see those curvy hills
i’ll let the windows open too
so my curtains can dance
their butterfly like motion
i’ll make hot chocolate in the morning
and sit by the old tree of wisdom
to read, to write, to sing
to feel

there’s no harness in my heart
no one to blame
not even myself
sometimes one just gets lost
as simple as that
and i’d rather feel lost
that not feel anything at all

audio: as close as i can be

we don’t usually publish recordings from our practice sessions, but today it’s just one of those days. after my post yesterday i felt it was very incomplete.
forgive the sound quality but enjoy the song

here it is:

in the curves of your shape
i can’t stop and drink
because i’m already drowned
as close as i can be

without touching you

everything that makes you feel safe
well, it just.. makes you feel safe
like borders, lines, cages, laws and rules and what not
keeps my mouth and my hands
prisoner of a war that’s never been mine

no, it’s never been mine

as close as i can be
as close as i can be
without hurting you
without damaging you
without loosing myself
without loosing myself

 

as close as i can be

in the curves of your shape
i can’t stop and drink
because i’m already drowned
as close as i can be

without touching you

everything that makes you feel safe
well, it just.. makes you feel safe
like borders, lines, cages, laws and rules and what not
keeps my mouth and my hands
prisoner of a war that’s never been mine

no, it’s never been mine

as close as i can be
as close as i can be
without hurting you
without damaging you
without loosing myself
without loosing myself

 

the universe within

the universe within
total silence
isolation
years light that could be made in a second
have my new helmet on
my new space suit
now i’m invincible
but as i’m opening the narrow hatch
i wonder if i’d ever find you
if you want to be found